Traumatized by Teamwork: The Lifelong Struggle of Working in Groups

If you are like me, you often sigh when you know you have a meeting coming up. Meetings can feel like productivity black holes—no structure, no energy, and honestly, no clear reason for existing. Virtual meetings? They're often even worse. People show up in body only, cameras off, muted, or clearly multitasking their way through whatever's happening on screen.  But there are things that team leaders can do to make virtual meetings useful and engaging. In fact, virtual meetings are opportunities to connect with members and for members to connect with each other. In this post, we’ll talk about managing virtual meetings and what to do once you are in them. As team leader, you have the ability to transform these digital gatherings from dreaded time-wasters into meaningful opportunities for your team to connect and get stuff done. Make Every Meeting Matter First thing to remember: everyone is busy and may not be jumping for joy about the prospect of having to make time for another meeting. So right off the bat, virtual meetings should be announced in advance (ideally, as part of a regular schedule or meeting routine) and distribute an agenda ahead of time that clearly describes the purpose of the meeting and whether attendees are expected to do anything in advance or in preparation for it. (Sure, emergencies happen and sometimes you need to call an urgent team huddle, but that should be the exception, not your go-to move.) Set Ground Rules That Actually Work Some companies have "topless" meetings (calm down—that means no laptops). In virtual meetings, that's obviously not realistic. But you can still create norms that encourage real engagement. Gently but firmly discourage multitasking. Make it clear that you want people to be fully present, not half-listening while they tackle their inbox or play solitaire. And here's a counterintuitive tip: ditch the mute button as much as possible. Research shows that ambient noise—the dog barking, the baby crying—actually humanizes virtual meetings and makes them feel less sterile. (Unfortunately, Zoom has filters in place now that damp down such noise, but you can try.) When someone's cat inevitably walks across their screen, lean into it. Let people enjoy the moment. The key is explaining the why behind these expectations. Help your team understand that asking questions, responding to each other, and actually connecting during meetings is how trust and relationships develop. It's not just about getting through the agenda—it's about building something together. Model the Behavior You Want to See As the team leader, you're setting the tone for everything that happens in that virtual space. How you listen, how you respond, how you handle conflict—it all matters more than you might think. Model active listening. Keep conflict productive and focused on ideas, not personalities. When you see collaborative behavior, call it out and celebrate it. If someone highlights a teammate's success or builds on someone else's idea, acknowledge that publicly. You're not just running a meeting—you're shaping your team's culture one interaction at a time. Share the Spotlight If you're the only one talking, you're doing it wrong. Virtual meetings work best when they're actual conversations, not one-person monologues with a captive audience. Call on people to share what they're working on. Ask for input and ideas. Consider having the team discuss agenda items in small groups, then come back together to share their collective thinking. The more people actively participate in real dialogue, the more value everyone gets from the time investment. The Bottom Line Virtual meetings—like their in-person counterparts—are opportunities to build team cohesion, strengthen relationships, and reinforce the behaviors that make your team effective. Don't just march through your agenda items. Create space for connection and collaboration. Your team members (and their cats) will thank you for it.